I’ve got a lot of friends who ask when I talk or email with them how I stay so productive & whether I ever sleep?

Trust me, I love sleep; I’m also addicted to work, the two are constantly battling it out.

When I was home full-time with Scarlett, sleep won out a lot. I’m one of those hands on parents; meaning I just don’t plop my kid in front of the TV & ask her if she needs something every couple hours. We read, we build Legos, we play outside with the dogs. My pit, Duke, LOVES playing ball & tag. The Kiddo goes nuts over Duke running around like a loon & me running after him just as loony. More or less, I put in full days as a father.

Thing was, I wasn’t getting any work done.

The kiddo was priority #1.

Then there was the house cleaning.

Errands.

Blah, blah, blah stay-at- home parent crap.

Plus, ya can’t forget the 12-year-old, either. Being 12 is scary as shit. Luckily the Kiddo & her Mom have a great relationship, so I can more or less be her pal most of the time, but be an asshole when I need to be. It’s a crazy weird balance, but I’ve always managed to pull it off. Plus, the Midget is wicked smart & talented. Sure, she’ll make her share of mistakes, but she’ll be a success at whatever she sets her mind to. Me & Alicia made warrior women.

21st century women.

Whatever.

Work.

Okay, here’s how I can get so much done.

Try it, don’t.

Just remember if you try it & you fuck yourself up, that’s on you. Don’t come whining at me thinking you’re gonna sue me. I don’t have shit but this computer, some art supplies, my phone, a small stack of books, my clothes, & the thoughts in my head. I can do without the shit (Okay, I’d be a little upset about the computer & the phone, but, shit, that’s my business & it’s pretty impossible to make a living without it), but if you try & take my thoughts (aka my life), I’ll cut you from your belly-to-your dick, or bash your head in with a hammer. My life’s all I got, & I’ll fight for it. I’ll die for it.

Same thing goes if you fuck with my family & the people I consider my family.

Basically, what I’m sharing with you is like owning a gun: It’s fine if you own it, but if some douchebag steals it from you & then shoots up a school or just some dude trying to make an honest living, that shit’s on you whether you want to admit it or not.

Anywho, use caution is what I’m saying.

Productivity!

Who here likes Thomas Edison?

Yeah, who don’t, right?

Personally, I think he was an unoriginal son-of-a-bitch who stole pretty much all of his good ideas. On top of that, he killed a member of his species (Elephants, dolphins, whales, they’re all us, their evolution just went in a different direction.) to steal the greatest achievement in human history (at the time) from Nicola Tesla.

Whatever.

He did come up with this great productivity method (He probably stole this shit, too)

Here’s the recipe:

2 Gallons water.

Access to a shower or bath.

The equivalent of 3 small meals.

Access to a comfortable place to power nap. You can choose the length of the powernap. I suggest between 45-minutes-to-2 ½ hours.

The desire to get shit done.

Now here’s how you put it all together:

I’ll be the first to admit that I love work. For real. I’m at my happiest when I’m making shit. If I could make art 24-hours a day, I’d do it. I love it so much I’d do it for free.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Just kidding, unless you got my phone number (& that’s, like, 10 people & that’s including my family), you motherfuckers ain’t getting shit from me for free.

Your ass gotta pay for the privilege of my company, bitches.

BTW, thanks for reading this entirely free “content”.

It’s just jokes, gang.

Seriously, though, the worst thing artists ever did to themselves was admit that they would make shit for free. The word “Free” brings out the assholes, gang.

Practicing the Edison method!

Okay, so if you like making shit & you have the desire to get shit done, your 50% there.

Next, get to work.

When you get tired, get up off your ass, drink some water, pace.

I listen to music pretty much from the time I wake up-to-the time I go to sleep (Yes, I most definitely sleep. Love it as a matter of fact.), so I’m always bouncing around & dancing while I pace so it doesn’t seem so intense & weird to my kids. It probably doesn’t work all that well.

Whatever.

To quote Tarrantino’s last good movie:

“So he’s a music lover?”

“He’s fond of music.”

“Aren’t we all.”

Next, eat something.

Personally, I’m a fruit & nut kinda dude. I also like sugar, but my body is starting to like it less & less as I get older; so I’ll munch an apple & some peanuts.
Pace more, then get your ass back to work.

Repeat.

Okay, about 1 AM, you’re gonna get beat. This is okay, it’s time for your first powernap.

I’m a 45 minute man.

I built up to this, gang. I know my body & it’s limitations. If I’m really tired, I stay down. But, if I’m rolling, there ain’t no way I’m stopping until the job is done.

That’s just my work ethic.

Okay, once you’re up from your nap, do your morning routine, but in miniature. Make yourself some coffee or tea, brush your fucking teeth, take a quick shower if you can.

Don’t check email.

Don’t check Twitter.

Don’t go on Insta or YouTube, that shit’s gonna be there when you’re done working.

Repeat the steps above.

Okay, if you’re battling a deadline or are just on a hard roll, you are going to have to get a second wind. I have my exercise routine. I love running/marching, but I don’t always wanna go for a jog at 2 AM, so I usually end up throwing hammers (I know, douche, right? But I like my kettle bells) or jump rope.

Jumping rope when you have a dog or a toddler isn’t always advisable, mostly because they want to do it along with you.
The thing is, you need an adrenaline rush.

Adrenaline is the reason why so many tweakers are writers.

Endorphins are the absolute BEST drug in the world, & we’re always looking for ways to get them rushing through us.
I used to self-medicate to get this feeling & forget & zone out.

I used to chase bullshit possessions & tailor made vacations.

When I was really young (20’s) I tired to get it with pussy & sex.

I was still REALLY into that until about a year ago.

Now. Now I’m too fucking busy.

For any of it.

EXERCISE!

Yup, after your done with that, hit the shower, hot, for like 20 minutes, soak.
After this, do your morning routine again, in miniature.

Remember in miniature, too much coffee fucks up your stomach, the same with tea. Keep yourself sensible.

Alright, that’s pretty much my deadline puncher.

You need to create your own variation of it. I’m a natural night person, but a morning person out of necessity, it happens. We all have busy lives & we all have to work in the system in one way or another. (Until the future changes it for us, but it’ll be all good in around 7 years or so.)
As you can see, there’s no drugs or alcohol involved in my routine. Yes, I smoke marijuana, & there’s a number of folks out there who think of it as a drug.

I do not.

Nor do I consider it necessary to my day-to-day survival.

If it came between feeding my family & smoking dope, family’s gonna win.

But that doesn’t happen to be the case at the moment.

And, you know, in the pot world, Ima lite weight, & I plan on staying that way.
(BTW, gang, you’re going to be seeing me use the “hashtag”, as the kids say, #smokenotdope. Seriously, quitting smoking tobacco changed my life, marijuana helped, tremendously. It wasn’t the only thing I used to quit, but it sure relieved a lot of the stress. Also, the new heroin craze is fucking bonkers. Man, that shit’s just gonna keep ruining lives if we don’t do something about it soon.)

All weed does for me is the same thing running, coffee, my kids, my dog & working does for me: It makes me happy.

Anyway, gang, I got another 2000 words before I hit the sack & Monday’s already giving me a fucking headache.

Keep your dick up.

#artlife