Hey! This is soon to be a major television event!

I got this one the other day. To be blunt, I probably won’t read it. That’s the life of an unsolicited book, though. (Don’t feel bad, unsolicited novels. I sometimes have to put books I’ve requested on the back burner.) It’s another post-apocalypse thriller, a genre that’s pretty much lost all its Omph for me after five years of reading a couple of great ones, and then the rest of them. (I won’t call them shit because I know the authors of these end of the world epics worked hard on them and weren’t attempting to cash in on the trend AT ALL! Post-apocalypse novels are the not so new replacement for zombies and vampires, albeit vampires and zombies are usually a vital part of armegedon.)

I’m not writing about that today, though. I’m writing about the the tagline: Soon to be a Major Television Event!

This has become the new standard for how publishers sell books. This tagline is becoming something I avoid when choosing a novel.

Why, you ask?

Easiest answer: Mediocrity.

Yeah, I read those words and immediately put it back on the shelf, because I know it’s probably not going to be very good. Because I know the author never intended the novel to be a novel. What they really wanted to write was a television series. True enough, novelists tend to be the best television creators. Nic Pizzolatto, Noah Hawley, Jordan Harper, all the cats who write The Duece, David Benioff, all accomplished novelists, they know how to rock long form.

The issue is, most writers don’t know how to rock long form. They don’t know how to character build, maintain tension, or create a plotline that I care about. I’d like to say I’m a victim of the television glut, but I just don’t watch that much television. I read tons, though, and these Soon to be a Major Television Event! novels are becoming the literary equivalent of an envelope full of anthrax.

I DO NOT touch and call the police.

How about you? Does the tagline draw you in or does it repulse you?

PS

Sorry to pick on The Feed, it’s nothing personal.