See this kid. This is my eleven-year-old and she’s awesome. She’s literally my Midget: She’s into horror flicks, comics, and her generation’s version of Punk rock. I love her to pieces and she’s at the point where she still thinks Me and Mrs. Rawson are kind of cool to hang out and talk with (She’s a little bent on on conspiracy theories at the moment), so I feel lucky. Most kids her age are already starting to feel alienated from their folks.

And she absolutely, completely, and totally hates school.

Just like her old man.

I HATED school. Nothing about it interested or challenged me. Most days I was just bored out of my mind. I hated it so much I skipped out on college, which I know was a mistake now, but after I graduated from high school, I was done with being told what to read and study.

So I get it, the Midget never wants to go to class. Over the last two weeks, she’s been trying to fake sick.

And I mean literally every day.

“My stomach doesn’t feel good.”

“My head hurts.”

“Dad I just threw up.”

The first couple days of it were kind of funny, but by the fourth straight day, all it did was annoy the shit out me.

And continued to do so for the next week and a half.

I attempted a preemptive strike, saying last night:

“Kid, how about not pretending to be sick tomorrow, huh? Can you just go to school without trying to get out of it?”

“Okay, Dad.”

I thought it would be fine this morning, and you know what, she didn’t pretend to be sick. Instead, she gave an impassioned speech about why she should be allowed to stay home.

It was an Oscar winning performance. It was like one of those speeches Denzel Washington delivers to whatever team he’s coaching in his vast string of unfortunately forgettable sports films. Seriously, I was impressed. But then my parenting with sarcasm gene kicked in, and here was my response:

“Okay, you can take the day off. But, you have to spend the day at Grandma’s, no iPad, no TV, just you helping Grandma around the house, and your mom has to agree to be the one who drops you off, then I’ll pick you up at four.”

Here’s the thing with the Midget, she hasn’t been wanting to hang out with her grandparents that much. Don’t get me wrong, she loves them, but their older and A LOT more conservative than me and Mrs. Rawson, so she’s not very comfortable talking about the things she likes. I figured she’d balk and just go get dressed and then walk to school.

Nope, she totally called my bluff.

“Okay! I’ll go to grandma’s!”

She then rushed upstairs, asked her mom to drop her off. Luckily, Mrs. Rawson vetoed my slip up. Thank Jebus for Mrs. Rawson.

Biggest downside of my little slip up, I’m pretty sure no one will be speaking to me when they get home this afternoon.


Morning Soundtrack:┬áSoul Jazz Records Presents PUNK 45: Extermination Nights in the Sixth City – Cleveland, Ohio: Punk and the Decline of the Mid-Wesst