Category Archives: Uncategorized

First Drafts: Rented Rooms

We lay down in our rented room
In the mid-afternoon.

You are on the bed, which is too small
To fit the both of us,

And I am on the floor, a pillow bunched
Under my head, staring up

At the wobbly ceiling fan, waiting for sleep
To finally take me

And I imagine the fan coming loose from
Its moorings and come crashing

On top of me, either crushing me to death,
A mass of torn red flesh.

I think about all the other rented rooms
We’ve shared over the

Years, and all the wobbly fans I’ve
Slept under and I

Can’t help but think that I’m the luckiest
Son-of-a-bitch alive,

Having survived for so long lying under
all these whirling death traps

With you.

A Few Words About Gamut Magazine

Over the past few years I haven’t been big into self-promotion. I used to not have a problem with it, I’d pop links up on social media, or I would do it a couple of times a day on various formats.

And then I started feeling a bit like a sleaze.

I felt like a sleaze because I had a lot of links. Articles, the occasional anthology. The other thing was, most everyone I associated shared the same number (If not more) of links as I did. It was a clusterfuck of too much stuff that I didn’t have the time to read. And all it made me do was bury my head in the sand.

And then the election happened and my head exploded like three quarters of the country did, and the overall value of social media became nonexistent for me. I was pissed off (And have remained that way, but it’s more of a back brain sizzle.) and more or less cut myself from most social media interaction.

I still posted links, but did it as almost a second thought, an automatic gesture through an outside app where I didn’t have to log into any of my accounts.

I’ve kept it that way for awhile now.  At this point, I spend only five minutes a day and then forget about it. I’ve come to enjoy the quiet of zero electronic interaction. The downside of this is I miss out on being able to report the writing I’m really proud of. Namely, my monthly column, Raw Bites, that Gamut Magazine publishes.

Richard Thomas and crew have let me do something that no one has ever allowed me to do, they let me say whatever the fuck I want to say. And because of this, I’ve published some of my most personal and honest writing. Plus, Gamut puts out some of the most innovative dark fiction and poetry being written.

Anyway, I have a new column up called “How to Disappear Completely“. Yes, you have to be a subscriber to read it. But, trust me, it’s worth the price of admission.


Current Read: The Emerald Circus By Jane Yolen

 


Evening Soundtrack: Soft Sounds From Another Planet By Japanese Breakfast

First Drafts: Four Pieces Of Art

I play with the idea that there is

No such thing as good poetry,

Including this.

*

The harmonica makes my one-year-old

Start to cry, until I hum her name thru

The silver bar, which makes her cock

Her head.

I wish I had a camera.

*

I draw three decaying smiles and a single eye

In black and red ink, and then flood the page

With charcoal.

I call the drawing “Self-Portrait”.

*

The photo is blurred by movement, lack

Of focus and stark white walls. I put it

Thru filters someone else has made and

Now it looks like a late career de Kooning,

Caught between genius and shit.

Officially On The Wrong Side Of History

I was reading Cracked.com last night. It’s not something I do all that often—Don’t get me wrong, I like the site, but the content can become a little too repetitive—usually I’ll read it when I’m bored of whatever book I’m reading, or I’ve finished my word count for the day. Or, as was the case yesterday, I was too tired to put the words down (The baby stayed home with me yesterday with some serious teething issues and the diarrhea and low-grade fever that usually accompanies it. She, of course, decided she didn’t want to nap, either.), and I just wanted to zone out and get a chuckle out of whatever I was reading.

The article I read last night was one of the site’s ’The 15 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now’ photoplay pieces. Anyone who reads them on a regular basis will know that the feature is at times hilarious, but most of the time are just flat out frightening in a sarcastic kind of way. But the picture featured on the right was something I found hopeful and encouraging for a huge chunk of the world, but utterly heartbreaking as far as the future of America is concerned.

First off, let’s completely forget about Trump and his retinue of extremely old, wealthy men. If you’re under the age of 60 or have your thoughts and actions dictated by a 2000-year-old document that’s been rewritten 200 or 300 hundred times, you know they’re a problem. But it’s the financial ideas these men cling to that make them even more dangerous (You know, other than being a bunch of fearful, hate-mongering men).

Coal and oil have been king for the last century as far as energy production is concerned, and this has been a world-wide thing. Utter and total dependence on two finite sources of lighting, heat, etc., but you all know this already. You also know that both forms of energy are filthy and detrimental to human life (ALL life, really) and it would be truly beneficial if we started moving away from these things.

But we’re not.

Instead, the U.S. is ramping up production of both while a despotic dictatorship looks to the future.

If you’ve ever seen pictures of Beijing, you know it’s a complete mess from an environmental perspective. The air quality is like 19th century London on crack, so it just flat out makes sense for them to invest in clean energy for the health of their people. But with the sheer size of the investment China is making in clean energy, they’re clearly not looking to just improve the lives of their citizens, they’re looking to become the world leaders of what is now an emerging technology, but in one-hundred-years will be the technological standard. With this $361 billion-dollar investment, China has become the future and the United States stands firmly on the wrong side of history.

In one-hundred-years, China will be the leader in the design of solar panels, wind turbines, and water desalination, and chances are, America—or what’s left of it (Sorry to be so doom and gloom with that statement, folks)—will be the nation where the products the Chinese design will be manufactured, it’s worker will be making enough to just barely exist and most likely sucking in loads and loads of coal fumes.


Before I go, here’s a big old long list of horrible shit our “government” has done to the American people in the last week.

The Senate voted 51 to 48 to….
1. End coverage for preexisting conditions, veterans benefits, and aid to rural hospitals. (This one gave me a panic attack because EVERYONE in my family, for the exception of my oldest, has a preexisting medical condition.)
2. Remove discrimination protection for women in healthcare.
3. Against the provision allowing children to remain on their parent’s insurance till the age of 26.
4. Cut off funding for the Child Health Insurance Program (CHIP).
5. Against ACA contraceptive coverage and maternity care provision.
6. Direct committees to send budget legislation to defund and repeal the Affordable Care Act.
For those who get health insurance through work, no pre-existing conditions. Lifetime caps for coverage are back for everyone.
Real actions are being taken that will affect more than just the 20-30 million people who will lose their health care coverage and the 3 million people who will lose their jobs.
Despite their assertions of this being an action to “repeal and replace,” no viable alternative plan has been proposed.

(Hat Tip to novelist Scott Phillips for the list.)


Morning Soundtrack: Dear Science By TV On The Radio


 

Current Read: Something Rich and Strange By Ron Rash

 

Tuesday Night Bullet Points

The baby goes to her Grandmother’s on Tuesdays, so I spent the day in the office and didn’t think about much of anything else but work for five or so hours. It was nice. Of course, the baby came home without a nap and a touch of diaper rash, which made for a grumpy, tired evening for Scarlett and for me and Mrs. Rawson. I planned on adding a couple more thousand words to today’s work, but instead I’m just going to blog, listen to music, and read.

Here are a couple of general observations from today.

  • I’ve been reading Neil Gaiman’s non-fiction collection over the past week or so and I think I like him more as an essayist than as a novelist. But then again, the last novel of his I read was The Ocean at The End Of The Lake, and that really didn’t do all that much for me.
  • Most of 2016 was a Margaret Atwood year. 2017 is looking like it’s going to be more of the same. Currently I’m re-reading The Handmaid’s Tale for the first time in over twenty years; it still ranks as one of my top five SF reads of all time.
  • I watched the terrorism thriller Unthinkable over the weekend. It’s an intense flick and I think it and David Mamet’s overlooked CIA thriller, Spartan, would make a great double bill.
  • I’m finding writing with pen and paper to be agreeable with me these days. Virtually everything I’ve written and published over the last six months has started out on yellow legal pads.
  • I’m finishing up a few short stories after four or five months of novel writing. I can’t say I’m enjoying writing them, but I also think my head’s in a completely different space now. I’m sure I’ll go back to loving stories once I’m between long stories.
  • I don’t mind when people disagree with me, and I mean about any subject whether it’s art, politics, whatever. I want to hear what you think, just remember to notch the anger back a bit when you’re expressing yourself. Because, trust me, I’m not going to go on a tirade just because we don’t see eye-to-eye on something.
  • Bar none, Miles Davis was the greatest musician of the 20th  century. 
  • Have a goodnight and sleep well.

Evening Soundtrack: My Funny Valentine By Miles Davis

Picking Pepper Out Of Gnat Shit

I logged onto Facebook today, something that I’ve been doing less and less of lately largely because I’ve got way too much shit on my plate as is, and because every time I log on, I seem to run into the same arguments being discussed in a dozen different ways. Today’s argument was punching Nazi’s and whether it’s right or wrong?

Now I’ll be blunt, I’m not a pacifist. As an ideology, it’s only worked twice as a means of change in the last hundred or so years. The first time was in India, and the reason it worked there was because the British “empire” was crumbling to pieces due to simple economics and it was flat out easier for the Limey’s to give up India. The second time it was here in the states, and the person leading the pacifist charge wasn’t so much a human being as he was a force of nature, and if I was alive during the same period as he was, I would have followed him anywhere and done anything he asked.

 I actually found the Nazi getting punched funny and he fully deserved the beat down. I mean, come on, the dude’s a stupid, dangerous asshole, and the only way to stop stupid, dangerous people is using a little force here and there.

But the thing is, I didn’t really care about the arguments being made on whether the guy should have been punched or not, my beef was that the argument was even an argument.

Over the last six months, I’ll freely admit that I’ve grown tired of “liberals”. It’s not that I don’t agree with the thoughts and ideas of liberalism, I care about and value human life and all life on our tiny planet and so do most “liberals”. No, what’s been bothering me the most about liberalism is the sheer lack of focus within the “movement”. There’s so many things that the “movement” cares deeply about that none of the things that they’re so passionate about changing get changed. And the reason for it is they spend so much time arguing about minute points instead of focusing on one thing at a time.

Personally, if I had to pick just two things for “liberals” to focus on it would be women’s equality and not killing so many black folks. The first one is easy, because let’s face it, women are the majority in America. Generally speaking, they go to and finish college more than most men, and, you know, they’re able to give birth to other human beings. And because I live with three of them, I know from experience that women are just flat out smarter than men. It just seems like a given to me that women should be equal to men, all that needs to happen is for women to start exercising their obvious superiority and the whole issue would become a non-issue within a few years.

The not killing as many black folks, well, that’s a whole other kettle of fish. Racism is an ingrained, animalistic tendency. It’s one human being (Or a pack of them) looking at another human being (Or a pack of them) and saying: I don’t like how you look, so I’m going to hate you and hunt you down.

Getting past this sub-human instinct is going to be a bitch.

But, there are things we can do as Americans, like training our police forces to not automatically pull their guns every time they step out of their patrol cars (By the way, before you get your panties in a bunch, I’m not anti-law enforcement, I’m just anti-death and anti-bullying. And let’s face it, most of the dudes who indiscriminately shoot black folks usually joined the police because they want to be able to push people around and pull their guns on whoever the hell they want.) and train them to logically assess a situation before resorting to force, which most police already do. But, you know, there’s always more than a few rotten apples in the bunch.

The other thing that would probably help with less black folks getting killed is creating a little financial autonomy within black communities. Having ready availability to quality educations and jobs tend to go a long way. Financial autonomy means less crime, less violence, less death. The problem is, though, there are  A LOT of human beings who still think and act like animals (Such as our current President) and the only way we’re going to get rid of these attitudes is by breeding them out of existence. And over the decades, things have been changing positively little-by-little as each subsequent generation moves farther and farther away from their baser instincts. It’s an infuriatingly slow process, but unfortunately, that’s just how nature works.

So, yeah, if I had it my way, “liberals” would focus solely on these two issues and nothing else until they were accomplished. But I know it won’t happen. I know liberalism will remain a complete clusterfuck of unorganized ideas and shitheels like Trump and Mike Pence will continue to keep things exactly the way they want them. They’ll keep America mired in the past as the rest of us spin our wheels and argue nonsensically  about whether it was right or wrong for a hate spewing sub-human to take a well- deserved punch in the jaw.


Morning Soundtrack: Oczy Mlody By The Flaming Lips

New Column and Westworld

I’m sitting in my office getting ready to type up my notes to my latest column for Gamut magazine. Over the past few months as Gamut has been ramping up, I made the decision that with Raw Bites, I was going to strip myself to the bone. I was going to dredge up all of the things about my life that still make me cringe before I fall asleep at night or during too quiet moments. It’s been work out. The piece I’m writing is definitely making me wince more than a little bit. By the way, I’ve got a new Raw Bites in Gamut #1 called “Bukowski San Pedro”.

No, it’s not about Bukowski in the least.

The piece is behind a pay wall, so if you don’t have a subscription already, you can go right here. Richard Thomas is setting the bar high with Gamut, it’s something special.

Me and Mrs. Rawson finished up Westworld today while the baby was napping. Final verdict, it was just okay.

Don’t get me wrong, I respect Johnathan Nolan and the Yu family (The show’s story editor and primary scriptwriters, Charles Yu, is one of my favorite contemporary short story writers. If you haven’t already, definitely check out Third-Class Super-Hero), but outside of Bernard (Jeffery Ross) and Maeve (Thandie Newton), I didn’t care about any of the other characters or their plot lines. There was some great acting and writing, but I don’t think I’ll be returning for season two. But then again, I’ve felt this way about a lot of multi-season, long form television shows lately. I find myself wanting shows to wrap up in a single season like The Night Of or American Horror Story.

Are any of you feeling this way about long form television lately, or is it just me?


Evening Soundtrack: Dave Brubeck