It’s time to admit that I am
Billy Pilgrim.

I feel time is everywhere and nowhere at once.
There’s only the immersion

Of joy

And staring pain and fear, eye-to-eye, on
A daily basis.

And it never goes away, no matter
How much

L. Ron’s worshipers tell you to confront it
And make it disappear like it was never there.

But who wants that?

Who wants their pain to slip between their
Fingers? This is my pain, my moments of

Embarrassment.

This is me being crushed under a rotting house
Frame. This is me being fired from my first

Job because I was always too stoned. This
Is me being told she doesn’t love me and

Never will. This is me having my teeth kicked
In on a freezing 2 am street corner.

All of this is as much me as the birth of
My children and the feeling of my wife’s body

On the nights they were conceived in the

Dark.

And

I’ll never give any of it away, at least until

It’s forced from my grasping, cold

Fingertips as

I curse the grand illusion.


Evening Soundtrack: Who Told You To Think By Milo