It’s time to admit that I am
Billy Pilgrim.
I feel time is everywhere and nowhere at once.
There’s only the immersion
Of joy
And staring pain and fear, eye-to-eye, on
A daily basis.
And it never goes away, no matter
How much
L. Ron’s worshipers tell you to confront it
And make it disappear like it was never there.
But who wants that?
Who wants their pain to slip between their
Fingers? This is my pain, my moments of
Embarrassment.
This is me being crushed under a rotting house
Frame. This is me being fired from my first
Job because I was always too stoned. This
Is me being told she doesn’t love me and
Never will. This is me having my teeth kicked
In on a freezing 2 am street corner.
All of this is as much me as the birth of
My children and the feeling of my wife’s body
On the nights they were conceived in the
Dark.
And
I’ll never give any of it away, at least until
It’s forced from my grasping, cold
Fingertips as
I curse the grand illusion.
